An eye-opening look at why we keep the secrets we keep, how to better understand and cope with them, and when (and how) we should bring them to light.
'Everybody has them, keeps them, betrays them, and wonders about them. Wonder no more. This delightful and fascinating new book reveals the hidden psychology of our secrets' Daniel Gilbert, Harvard professor and bestselling author of Stumbling on Happiness
Think of a secret that you're keeping from others. It shouldn't take long. Psychologist Michael Slepian finds that, on average, we are keeping as many as thirteen secrets at any given time. His research, involving more than 50,000 participants from around the world, shows that we most frequently keep secrets about lies we've told, ambitions, addictions, mental health challenges, hidden relationships and financial struggles.
Whether we are motivated to protect our reputation, a relationship, a loved one's feelings, or some personal or professional goal, one thing is clear: holding back some part of our inner world can often be lonely, isolating and weigh heavily upon us. But it doesn't have to.
The Secret Life of Secrets sheds fascinating new light on questions like: At what age do children develop the cognitive capacity for secrecy? Do all secrets come with the same mental load? And can keeping certain types of secrets actually enhance our well-being?
Drawing on over a decade of original research, this book reveals the surprising ways in which secrets pervade our lives, and offers science-based strategies that make them easier to live with. The result is a rare window into the inner workings of our minds, our relationships and our sense of who we are.
Michael Slepian is the Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University. A recipient of the Rising Star Award from the Association for Psychological Science, he is the leading expert on the psychology of secrets. Slepian has authored more than fifty articles on secrecy, truth and deception. His research has been covered by The New York Times, The Atlantic, The New Yorker, The Economist, The Wall Street Journal, NPR and the BBC.
Twitter: @michaelslepian
